How to Live

Go out and run around your neighborhood block buck naked.

If anyone, including the police, stops you, tell them you are hot.

Say no to drugs, except for the prescriptions your doctor gives you.

Flush them down the toilet so your doctor has to take them too.

Make sure the NSA is listening when you tell them to fuck themselves.

Then blow up something small, like fireworks, over your sewer line.

Just for one day, don’t make anything. Then do it again tomorrow.

Now you can relax and go to the beach like you always wanted to.

Have sex with as many people as attract you and who say yes to you.

Until you feel the old-time religion the way they sell it at the mall.

Steal what you want. Only buy what you need. Give the rest away.

If anyone asks for money, including charities, punch them in the face.

If anything interesting appears on your TV, run over and turn it off.

Otherwise go outside, cut a limb from a tree, and smash the TV with it.

Learn how to be bored, even if it’s boring. Once you’re bored, stop.

Work your way across the ocean on a freight ship and kill the natives.

Don’t read magazines, self-help books, or the Bible. Stop taking orders.

You are allowed to have fun in this life without being told what to do.